There are plenty of ways to appreciate people,
and those should be sought out,
but saying “thank you” will never get old.
It was 2014.
I was sitting in a rocking chair with my 3-month-old son, Caleb, doing my best to get him back to sleep in the middle of the night. Kristen and I were essentially homeless, living with her parents. As I rocked Caleb, my mind raced.
For the past two years, I’d been on the road with my band, Bellarive, traveling the world—literally—and spending more time in a 15 passenger vans or tour bus than at home. The experiences were incredible, the work was grueling. Some would say we were living the dream, and in many ways we were. But that dream didn’t translate financially. To try and balance how often we were gone, the band moved to Atlanta to be more centrally located. In the process, Kristen and I uprooted ourselves from the support network we’d built, leaving us unanchored. Watching our savings account dwindle was hard enough, but finding out Kristen was pregnant with our first child shifted my perspective rapidly—and somewhat violently.
We found out Kristen was pregnant just hours before I was set to leave for a 9-week tour. Our giddiness quickly turned to sadness. Four weeks later, in a parking lot in Lubbock, Texas, Kristen FaceTimed me. I stepped off the tour bus as she held up the sonogram and said, “You’re going to be a dad!” I immediately wept bitter tears. It was completely unexpected but fully confirmed what I already knew deep down: I wasn’t made to be this type of dad—the one who’s always on the road, the one who makes appearances now and then. After we ended the call, I wiped away the tears and solemnly vowed, “This will never happen again.”
Over the next year, everything began to shift. I had to make decisions for the sake of my growing family—choices that left us, and especially me, in what felt like a deep hole. I had to slowly work my way out of something I had given so much to. I knew it was the right thing, what God was calling me to, but that didn’t make it any easier.
Shortly after releasing our second full-length album, I told the band—the people I had sacrificed so much with—that I couldn’t do it anymore. I told them I’d be moving back to Tampa from Atlanta and couldn’t stay on the ride. Up until that point, it was the most painful thing I’d ever done.
Kristen and I moved into her parents’ house with no plan. The only thing we knew was that we had to face this together. But the degree of difficulty was extreme—at times, almost humiliating. Definitely humbling. The months that followed, as I began to unweave myself from the thing I thought would be my life’s work, were brutal and sad. We had no jobs, no money, and a newborn who relied on us for everything. It was heavy.
As I held my beautiful son in my arms that night, I couldn’t stop replaying the months that had led to this moment. Disappointed, confused, and full of self-loathing, my son seemed to feed off my restlessness.
Then something happened—something I won’t take credit for, because I was too self-involved to generate it.
A quiet prompting stirred in me: “Just say thank you.” It didn’t make sense until I looked down.
My son fit so perfectly here on my lap, in my arms.
We got to name him Caleb.
And I get to be with him—not just wish I was.
I whispered, “thank you.”
It was slight, maybe imperceptible, but in that moment, the tectonic plates of my worldview began to shift, sending tremors of life and light into corners of my heart filled with cynicism, regret, and perceived failure.
it’s not just about them.
Cultivating a life of gratitude is just as much about you as it is the person you are giving thanks to. Being generous with your appreciation is one of the best ways to live because it’s impossible to close yourself off, no matter how big or small it actually is. It does feel counter-intuitive to say “thank you” as a means to feel better about yourself, and I would agree, but it is a welcome side-effect. It increases our chances for connection with others and ourselves opening pathways to experience life together. It creates mutuality, defeats isolation and loneliness, and validates each other’s reality.
I believe that gratitude pokes holes in the barriers, humanizing not just other people but ourselves. Saying “thank you” forms cracks in the walls we build to shield ourselves from each other for self-preservation which is counterintuitive and counterproductive. We need each other and being grateful overwhelms our defenses.
If you’ll allow me for a quick moment to enter into my conceptual physics corner, the universe is constructed with certain laws of physics. From what we fundamentally understand, these laws are immovable. One such law is the law of conservation of mass which states that all the mass we know of that makes up our reality is all there is, and I believe that to be true. Same is true about the laws of energy; it is constant and a closed system with no losses, and no gains. However, when we stoke our generosity and appreciation it seems there’s always more that follows. Our eyes widen and heart enlarges (metaphorically; go see a doctor if this really happens) allowing us to become an ever increasing river of gratitude. There are infinite possibilities to say thank you. Based on the laws of conservation, there is a closed loop of all things, and yet, these universal constants don’t seem to apply. Although, I guess when you’re dealing with a God like ours, infinity is really hard to close the loop on; laws might apply, they just might look a lot different.
a grateful leader.
Gratitude is one of the most powerful tools in a leader’s arsenal, yet it is often overlooked believing a fallacy that you can’t be thankful while focusing on achieving goals and meeting deadlines. In leadership, there are countless ways to appreciate people—bonuses, promotions, public recognition—but the simple act of saying “thank you” holds a unique, timeless power. It is a fundamental expression of respect and acknowledgment that transcends titles, roles, and industries. As leaders, embracing this principle not only fosters a culture of appreciation but also cultivates trust, loyalty, and personal growth within a team.
The importance of gratitude isn’t just a modern leadership technique; it’s deeply rooted in ancient wisdom, including biblical teachings. According to a 2017 study on the benefits and science of gratitude, gratitude is not simply a social construct either, but might be wired into our DNA. All major religions believe in creating an ecosystem of gratitude around your life and moral philosophers like Cicero say it is not just the “greatest virtue” but the “mother of all remaining virtues”. The Bible frequently emphasizes the power and necessity of thankfulness, not just towards God but in our relationships with one another.
“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Gratitude isn’t situational. It should be consistent, not just when things are going well, but even in challenging times. Recognizing the efforts of others, even when outcomes fall short of expectations, helps maintain morale and fosters resilience.
“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly… And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
Colossians 3:15-17
Leading with peace and gratitude reflects the heart of servant leadership, where the leader’s role is to serve, uplift, and guide with humility and thankfulness.
why it matters.
- it drives purpose.
A sincere “thank you”, heavy emphasis on sincere, acknowledges the time, effort, and thought someone has invested in their work. This acknowledgment serves as a powerful motivator. It illuminates their humanity through their work. Studies in organizational psychology show that employees who feel appreciated are more engaged, productive, and loyal to their organizations. Saying “thank you” turns the spotlight on team members, showing them that their contributions matter. Purpose drives connection, which in turn drives productivity.
- it drives positive culture.
When leaders consistently express gratitude, it sets the tone for the entire organization. Gratitude is contagious. When people hear and feel appreciation from their leadership, they are more likely to pass that positivity along to their peers, creating a supportive and collaborative work environment. This ripple effect can transform organizational culture, making it more inclusive and dynamic.
- it builds bridges.
Trust is the cornerstone of effective leadership. Expressing gratitude shows humility and respect, breaking down hierarchical barriers and fostering genuine relationships. It builds bridges across the chaotic waters. When leaders are quick to thank others, it signals that they value their team beyond just their output. This trust strengthens team cohesion and loyalty, essential ingredients for long-term success.
- it’s expands our capability.
Gratitude isn’t just outward-facing; it’s an inward practice that enhances self-awareness. Leaders who regularly reflect on what they’re thankful for become more attuned to the strengths and contributions of their team. This awareness helps leaders make better decisions, offer more targeted support, and create opportunities for individual growth within the team.
People will never get tired of you saying thank you. Ever.
I maintain that this is the single easiest thing as a leader to do consistently and frequently and will have the most long-term benefits for not just the people you lead, but for yourself in the process. You can never say it enough.
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.”
Psalm 107:1
For as long as God’s love endures, so should our gratitude.
And fortunately, there’s no end to that.